When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Randomize
