The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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