I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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