I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
