I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
