Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
it glows. i had to have it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
