If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
