Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize