xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
