Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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