Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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