I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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