I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize