you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
