Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
