Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
