The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
