when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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