gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
