I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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