Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize