these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
