so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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