Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
