i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
