Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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