I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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