Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
