I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
