Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize