I'm jealous of your bromance
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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