This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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