"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
