ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
