Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
