I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
