Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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