There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
