I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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