why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
