Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
