gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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