how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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