Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize