i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
