remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
