If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
