Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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