youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
