In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
