I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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