had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
