this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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