So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
