I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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