Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
