Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
