margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
