yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
