I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
