Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
