I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
