Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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