He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
