so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
