did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
