I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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