If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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