you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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