I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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