so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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