took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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