she was so not down for the gang bang
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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