hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize