Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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