i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
