I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
