I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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