Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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