he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
