I accidentally had phone sex last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize