You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
