I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize