Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
