you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize