dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
