just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
