maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
