YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
