I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize