I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
