Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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