I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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