I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
where does the pee come out of this thing
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
