Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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