My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
